the christian left

I discovered yesterday that running on a treadmill is awesome.  Not only do you get to know exactly how fast, how far, and how many calories, you also have the added plus of getting to watch your favorite tv.  Now, those of you who know me well know well that I am a television aficionado and that I can waste hours, days, weeks, years of my life even watching things that are boring as I was blessed (?) with the world’s longest attention span.  Seriously — I can pay attention to the most boring, monotonous, rigorous, useless things and recognize that they are all of the preceding elements.  But for whatever reason, I hang on.  Anyway.  I was yesterday watching the Pixies dvd and running on the treadmill.  It was the perfect mix of listening to music while you run plus watching something that you don’t have to engage in seriously (sometimes I lose words or can’t enjoy jokes while I’m working hard at running) and the time flew.  Now, let’s be fair.  I do not spend much time on the treadmill.  It is always less than 45 minutes at this point.

I feel that perhaps I should defend myself.  I started “running” at the end of May.  May 31, to be exact.  Since then, I have scooted my massive self along regularly (3-4 times per week, health permitting) and for that I am stunned.  I am not an athlete, in fact, I am the diametric opposite of this.  I like to overeat, I like to eat baked foods, I enjoy cooking and eating and do not plan to give up either.  I have no plans to give up oil or sugar.  Giving up meat was quite enough and I have cut dairy down — way down.  I could not even imagine my life and what it would lose were I not to be an avid cook.  Sure, I make things that fail from time to time and I make things that people don’t like, but for the most part, I can at least be honest with myself for this.  So, if I can be honest with myself on what foods I make that are no good, I can apply this to running, right?  I hope so.  I am trying to get better.  Honestly, I feel like I “should” be able to eat whatever I like whenever I like because I am running and doing my strength training, but I have lost NO weight in the last 3+ months, and I have in fact gained.  So, obviously, my appetite and my physique have something to work out with each other.  But, honestly, I still shuffle along.  Sometimes I really don’t know why I continue to press along — heck, it takes a lot of my time even to find 40 minutes to run plus a shower plus stretching before and after, it hasn’t changed the way I look, I feel about the same as I did before I started, but there IS something.  And I discovered part of that something as I was rocking out to my “oldies” and running.  I think for a long time I have told myself that I can’t and this proves to me that I can.  I can go for longer than 30 minutes, even if my pace is slower than many people walk, and I can make it through.  I think I am ready to maybe buy “real” running clothes (I did pick up some Target ones tonight on clearance, but you know what I mean) and maybe look forward to running a 5k sometime within the next several months.  I don’t guess I am in a hurry to get there.  Sure, I’d love to have that svelte athletic physique that the chicks in Panera on Friday mornings have, but maybe it isn’t for me?  I don’t know yet.  All I know is that there were rumors,…  Seriously, all I know is that I have gotten something and I have stuck with it for some reason and that the music video made it better.  I know that I have run outside enough to know I hate being outside, still, and I am wretchedly embarrassed about how I look and shake and possibly cause illness in my wake.  I’m not sure if cute new clothes will help or if it’s just going to be time, but maybe I need a 5k to force me out there.  And maybe not.

So, give me your music dvds.  I have found what I needed to keep me going!