Free Beef Burrito

November 9, 2007 at 9:44 pm (Uncategorized)

I am a chronic waster of beef at Mexican restaurants.  I know I mumble, but I take extra care not to mumble the word “bean” at Mexican restaurants.    I stress the N like “beannnnnnnn”, which of course makes me look like a condescending ass.  On occasion, I’ll even throw a “frijole” out there just to make sure and it just makes me look like even more of a jerk.  What I’m trying to say is:

“I’m sorry my native language sucks so much that I have to do this, but the fate of this meal and the rest of my afternoon is riding on one consonant right now.”

but I come off sounding more like:

“I can tell by the color of your skin that you couldn’t possibly know English, so I’m going to talk down to you until you get out of my country and quit trying to take my job, fence-hopper.”

So what’s the best stress-free way to order a bean burrito?


4 Comments

  1. lacey said,

    All I know is that the ticket said “bean burrito, no cheese”. So, next time I’ll check it and see.

    I guess we’re even.

  2. Dave said,

    At the mazatlan near me (out toward shopryland) they often speak spanish to me without realizing it and seem genuinely bemused when my coworkers try to order in poor Spanish. At the Brentwood Mazatlan, there is a guy who likes our kid and always comes up and speaks spanish to him/us (to which I respond in heavily accented Spanish).

    So, I wouldn’t worry so much about ordering in Spanish, my experience is it amuses more than offends. At least it separates you from the “why don’t they at least learn English!?” crowd.

    I think your cultural barrier is more than just a language issue. I expect that to the typical South/Central American opting out of meat is just weird. So, they may just assume they misunderstood you even when they hear “bean.”

  3. bons said,

    burrito, “frijole negro” always works for me.

  4. Lauren said,

    What about “bean burrito, no beef”? That way, they’ll ask if they don’t understand.

    Or you could throw a tantrum when they do it wrong, slam the table, throw a chair, then walk out. I’m sure they’d get it right the next time!

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