the christian left

So it’s the final countdown…  We had the appointment today, and everything looks ok for today.  The baby is very, very low (4 cm lower than the low last week) and the cervical changes are still kickin.  I have to have a biophysical profile to check on the health of the  baby/me on Monday if I haven’t labored by then, so I am officially desperate for labor this weekend.  Tomorrow my mom comes to hang out and help pick up the big kid from kindergarten.  This makes tomorrow a favorable day for labor, as well as anytime before Monday.

I’m sweating this.  I really want to go on my own, I really want this experience to fall within the design intended for my body, and I know I am beautifully made to deliver this baby.  I don’t really want an intervention at all.  So, put in a good word for us that we will deliver our baby the way we are supposed to and that we will make it to the hospital in time.

Here’s what I look like.  Still holding at 17 lbs.

OK, so that’s what I look like today…  A little on the portly side, although, I have only amassed 17 extra pounds.  You can notice the profile, I look ready.  The baby has settled into her position, I am considered a prime candidate for labor/delivery according to my appointment this week.  I will have between now and 41 weeks to come up with some labor on my own.  Anyone up for a castor oil party?

Seriously, I am finally ready.  I have spent about the last 32 weeks trying to figure out how you get ready for a baby when your life is already so full.  I don’t know that I’ve really figured that out, or that I’ll ever have everything in place, but I am ok with letting her join our family at this point.  That being said, I am happy about her arrival now.  We have our cloth diaper shipment waiting for her in her room, I finished a sweater that will maybe fit her when she is 2, and I have her blanket ready to go.  Tonight, I plan on casting on for a similar sweater in a smaller gauge so that maybe she can wear it this winter.  I don’t have that feeling of needing to finish anything else for her.

I am nervous about how the event will unfold — will I know it’s the real thing? will I know when to go to the hospital?  who will be watching the kids?  how will the tradeoff go when my mom arrives?  do I call my mom in the middle of the night if it happens then?  will I remember the difference between the smells — like what if my water breaks?  But I will face my fear.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

It’s been a long time since my last posting! Things have been moving along with us…I am nearly 39 weeks along, and we have a kindergartener! It has been a really crazy week getting the big girl started in her class as well as getting details taken care of for the new baby. The little boy seems to be doing his normal thing. We have also been watching the crap out of some Olympic swimming — it’s just so compelling. I can’t believe we are at the end of this pregnancy, it really feels like only a few weeks ago when we found out about it. I am not sure, of course, when we will deliver as I am showing no signs of imminent labor, but we will see. I hope it comes on like a storm in the evening time and hopefully on a weekend day, maybe Sunday? I could live with that, for sure.

I have created an heirloom, so after this week, I will be mentally happy to have my baby. Very happy. There is a full moon on Saturday, so who knows? I am still trucking along on a sweater for the baby, but it won’t fit until much later, so not as big of a rush to complete.

Anyway, here is the finished product.

It is the Mason-Dixon mitered square blanket reduced to baby-size.  It’s still a significant size, though.  I am proud of how it came out — it’s a lot of seaming, but it’s worth it.  It was a relatively fun knit, just tons of finishing work.  I used the suggested cotton classic, and it’s a particular dream after laundering.