the christian left

OK, so that’s what I look like today…  A little on the portly side, although, I have only amassed 17 extra pounds.  You can notice the profile, I look ready.  The baby has settled into her position, I am considered a prime candidate for labor/delivery according to my appointment this week.  I will have between now and 41 weeks to come up with some labor on my own.  Anyone up for a castor oil party?

Seriously, I am finally ready.  I have spent about the last 32 weeks trying to figure out how you get ready for a baby when your life is already so full.  I don’t know that I’ve really figured that out, or that I’ll ever have everything in place, but I am ok with letting her join our family at this point.  That being said, I am happy about her arrival now.  We have our cloth diaper shipment waiting for her in her room, I finished a sweater that will maybe fit her when she is 2, and I have her blanket ready to go.  Tonight, I plan on casting on for a similar sweater in a smaller gauge so that maybe she can wear it this winter.  I don’t have that feeling of needing to finish anything else for her.

I am nervous about how the event will unfold — will I know it’s the real thing? will I know when to go to the hospital?  who will be watching the kids?  how will the tradeoff go when my mom arrives?  do I call my mom in the middle of the night if it happens then?  will I remember the difference between the smells — like what if my water breaks?  But I will face my fear.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”